Two Kids Like Four

Hubs is travelling.
A sheen of sweat breaks across my brow. I’m feeling hot and cold at the same time. Oh dear, I foresee the headache and exhaustion already. What do I do when J needs to pee in the night? Who are they going to bounce off their energy on? I’m feeling sorry for myself.  But then I remember (probably) millions of women around the world who are doing this everyday all alone and then I am suitably ashamed. So I woman up and face the 2 little rascals…
Friday night 
Not bad. Thank God for little mercies, they were so exhausted from the day’s activities that they passed out one by one on the couch. The only thing driving me a little crazy was the church music two streets away. 


Yet it sounded like it was in my living room. I couldn’t hear the TV so eventually I turned it off and went to bed. The band was at it ALL NIGHT LONG.

They bound into the room, and jump on me. J doesn’t know it’s my stomach underneath the duvet. Oomph! Oh Jesus take the wheel today. D wants to watch TV, J wants to eat. Okay, bath time. We fight over brushing. 

“Clean your lower teeth D or else I’ll do it for you.” 


“Mummy, I wan’ choo-choo.”

“Not now, please open your mouth.”


“Choo-choo-choo-choo, Choo-choo-choo-choo… Tuu-Tuu! Open your teeth…”

“D please stop playing and get in the tub.”

“Mummy I wan’ ‘ponge”

“I’ll give you the sponge, but I’ll scrub you up first.”

“Noooooo.” Starts wailing.

“Oooh, J! Stop putting soap on my body.”

“D you’re having your bath, you will get soap on your body.”

J is still wailing as I wash his head.

“I’ve finished.”

“You didn’t wash here. How did you manage to wash everywhere else but here?”

“My hand can’t reach.”

“Just give me that.”

Scrub, wash, dry. Dressing up.

“Mummy, should I wear this one.”

“Wear whatever you like!”

Breakfast?  Has to be cereal. Need to save that energy for lunch. Settle them in the living room and just when I’m about to settle down in front of the TV, Church from two streets away start their music again. 

Ewo, everyday?

“Mummy, J is pouring water on me”

How? I only turned away for 5 seconds.

“Mummy, ees D.”

“J look at the mess you’ve made!”

“Let me get the mop,” D volunteers. 

“No, no, no,” J jumps up to grab D in a attempt to stop him because he wants to get it by himself. 

“Ah, mummy, he’s pinching me.”

“J stop!”

Just then Ms P arrives. Praise Jesus, Alleluia. She said she wasn’t working today but she must have changed her plans. I’ve never been happier to see her. It’s been 3 days of public holiday, I could use a break. I need to rest or I might break down. So I move into my room and lay me down for just a little while…

No chance. They’re allowed no more than 1 hour watching TV. So as soon as Ms P turns it off, they start screaming, chasing each other in and out of the room. Someone eventually falls and there is wailing for a while. Then some calm. J has fallen asleep. Maybe I’ll get some now…

Evening and Ms P hollas from outside my door, “I’m going Ma.” 

Don’t leave me, I whimper in my head. But I’ll never let them see me weak…

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